Human Excellence

I hate to admit it
but I am human
fully human
fully feeling
sometimes feeling fear
and anger
and agitation
and anxiety
insecure and terrified
yet fit for the fight
weak and strong
soft yet a rock
So, I still myself
resisting the urge to phone a friend
allowing this poem and God's ear to be enough
to be the arms my shivering heart flees to
My heart and mind ache
roller-coaster of hope and frustration
as fruition seems to be so slippery in my hands
so slippery, I can't seem to get a grip
My sight is blurred
struggling to discern between smokescreens, ghosts, and reality
struggling to SEE
and be
and be fully
and be right
and arrive
and achieve
and break through
and SEE with open eyes what only my closed eyes have seen
What will be awesome about my story
is not that I didn't fear
is not that I was always confident or right
what will be awesome about my story
is not that I'm the most beautiful or witty or funny or feisty
what will be awesome about my story
is that I mustered up courage
to press on
that I bore the pain and overcame
that I walked past insecurities and embarrassment
that I kept going
that I dreamed again
that I got up again and again and again
that I loved
that I spoke up
that I believed anyway
that God came through for me