What I Won't Do

What I won't do is give up
on me
on life
on hope
What I won't do is quit
or accept that THIS is it, that THIS is as good as it gets
nope!
can't do it
because something in me
deposited before birth
let's me know
that there is more
that something rises in me like helium
even when my head has dropped and my heart has sunken
that something in me
is a seed
is destiny
is hope
I can't give up.
So, I'll write to the masses of 0 until the crowds begin to come
I'll mount my paintings behind closed doors, on my own walls and in my own hallways until their exhibited in museums
I'll get up and look in the mirror and say, "I am enough" until the the validation from others follows
I'll keep going, and doing, and preparing
because publishers are coming,
curators are on their way...
the masses are coming
and when they arrive, they'll be seeking
seeking the fruit developed from the seed inside
when they arrive, they'll be seeking and I'll be ready
So in the meantime
what I can't do, what I mustn't do, what I won't do...is give up

Coming Unstuck

The Sky is NOT Falling

Wrong Conclusions

Silence me by accusing and confusing the mechanism of me parting my lips with me looking for something to be wrong

Silence me by telling me it’s me:  I’m off, something is wrong with my thinking and therefore my words lack enough merit to be entertained…

My Lips close

My Head drops

My Heart sinks

Three tears fall

My Words fall back into the recesses of my mind.

They don’t disappear.  They just leave the door of my lips as glimmer simultaneously leaves my eye.  They just weigh my heart and press upon my head.

Leaving me silent with headache and heartache. 

There must be something wrong with me.

Girlfriends

The Dress

Hues she would never have put together...a length the opposite of what she thought she needed...a design she hadn't quite pictured; Yet she tries it on and realizes there's no need to look any further.  She's found THE dress...

So you are to me.  My beautiful surprise.  The perfect fit for such a time as this.  THIS dress is not a sketch, but rather penned with words and actions...the very things that have caused you to stand out to me.

I Found My Purpose In Pain

Reflecting on some encounters with students over the last couple of weeks, both moments of frustration and moments of grace...Reflecting on chapters studied in my small group Bible Study class...Reflecting on my students' responses to both moments of warmth and gentleness,  I've been able to hone in on my purpose:

It's crazy how I can be SO frustrated
feel so bruised or wronged or angry or such a victim
It's crazy how in these spaces
God can awaken the seed He put in me
and change the glare in my eye, the Fire-Red Indignation
to a LOVE so warm and deep and consuming
that my heart melts
even for those who have hurt me
Sometimes all I can see and all I can feel
is THE BLOW-
what was stolen or broken or unappreciated or disrespected-
and Sometimes the presence of His seed in me frustrates me
because I want to be angry and I want justice
I want to be redeemed from my pain
I want to be acknowledged and I want recompense
but REALLY, really I was made to LOVE
to LOVE
not to require
not to indict
not to wait for vindication
but to simply and completely
LOVE
to LOVE deeply and widely and wholly
in such a way that CONQUERS EVERYTHING.
I AM more than a conqueror, but my victory and "living fully"
comes in ways that feel like losing at times.
I was BORN TO LOVE
and heal
and cover
and touch.
LOVE CONQUERS ALL.
And what truly is NEEDED, and what truly is THE ANSWER
is LOVE